How Men Choose Women

Who the ideal woman is, and why it's too late for you to find one

by Sotiris Rex

Men who grew up without men (real men) in their lives don’t know what manhood is. They define their “masculinity” by male caricatures: the womaniser, the thug, the bully, the tough guy, the fuckboy, the attention whore, the obsessive hobbyist, the suave pretender, the power-needy dominator who takes himself too seriously.

Weak males, weak choices

Very few define masculinity as what it truly is: having solid principles, standing up for them when it matters, and standing up for yourself, even if it means speaking truth to power and losing for doing so. Because there is nothing worse than losing yourself… and if you lose in life, to keep the principles that define who you are, then you win.

Weak males who never had strong masculine role models growing up don’t know how to choose women. So they go after flashy women who will serve as objects of validation in the eyes of their peers.

“She’s gorgeous; tall, blonde, with green eyes, and when I take her back home with her on the back of my motorbike, everyone will lose their minds!” This is the exact quote of an older cousin of mine describing the woman he would later go on to marry and have a disastrous shitshow of a marriage with. I was a child at the time, but even then, I could see his overexcited declaration as a desperate cry for validation, a shallow neediness that screamed insecurity.

Weak males have weak criteria for women: sexy body, narcissistic demeanour, power-girl stance — anything to impress other males, and to impress themselves. “If a power mommy such as that likes me, then I must be a man, right?” And this is why they break down after that power mommy decides to leave — she takes with her the weak males’ sense of faux masculine identity.

The ideal woman

Strong men have true criteria for choosing women. And there is only one fundamental criterion, one standard that makes a woman good: Her affinity for being a good mother — not a good wife, not a good cook, not a good sex slave, not a good business chick, but a good mother to your children.

Why? Because absolutely nothing you do in this life echoes louder than your contribution as a parent, good and bad. Thus, being a good parent and choosing a good parent beside you are your two most important accomplishments in life. Everything else is just meaningless noise.

When choosing women, weak men ask themselves: “Would she be good in bed? Is she hot enough to make my peers jealous, and thus respect me — and I need that since I don’t respect myself?”

Instead, true men ask themselves: “Would she make a good mother? Would she stand by her children no matter what?”

Real men don’t care if their woman “isn’t flashy enough” because their masculinity does not depend on it. Men don’t seek cheap validation from impressionable, drooling sycophants whose opinion doesn’t matter to anyone who matters.

Sure, physical attraction is a plus, a good-to-have, but it’s not the main feature. A woman’s ability to be a good mother is like the engine, chassis, and wheels of a car — you can’t have a car without them. Good looks are the auto air conditioning and the heated steering wheel feature. You can still have a great car without them, but no car with those features alone. You can’t have the luxury without the main function. And there is no other function for a woman than her ability to be a good, loving, nurturing, engaging, and encouraging mother. There is no other function for a man than his ability to be a good father: supportive, engaging, encouraging, mentoring, empowering, and inspiring to make others want to adopt his principles.

The ideal woman chooses to be virtuous, not to suck up to a sky daddy, not to feed her narcissism, not even to impress her husband. She chooses virtue to be a good mother, first and foremost. That’s her driving force, her purpose, her meaning. And that’s why she deserves to be loved by a man — a true man, not an insecure fuckboy thug who confuses weak, needy bravado with secure, principled masculinity.

My story of bad choices

I gained clarity way too late in life. It took me way too long to figure out what true masculinity was; for most of my youth, I thought masculinity was big muscles, a tough-guy attitude, money, and the pathetic, needy practice of collecting notches on bedposts. Embarrassing. Sick. Undignified.

In my defense, I started life so badly that it’s a miracle I didn’t go full psychopath (just slightly). I was confused, to say the least, with some of the worst parenting imaginable, enough so that people’s jaws drop when I share glimpses of my childhood experiences. This is not an excuse; this is an explanation. You can have determinism without alleviating self-accountability.

When I was at the age of courting (that stressful time when you just need to find a partner), I wasn’t attractive to the good ones, except perhaps to a few who I assume saw something good in me buried deep down, but couldn’t waste their lives for me to find it — understandably. And I was weak. Needing cheap validation of bravado (not masculinity), I went after the flashy girls, the sexy ones, the easy ones, the empty ones, the wrecks, the disasters, the trash — just like me. I was trash, so I felt right at home next to them.

I felt safe next to bad women, the broken ones, because I didn’t fall short by comparison. This is the mentality of the weak male who aims low for much-needed safety. Instead, a strong male (one from a position of security) sees a good woman and goes through hell to measure up, to be worthy of her, unlike the weak male who, driven by defeatism, goes after the horrible girls, the peacocky ones, the objects of self-aggrandising.

I was objectifying women as tools to serve my needy, insecure narcissism, so it was no wonder women who saw themselves as objects responded to me. But such females and such males aren’t good parent material. How can they be good parents to innocent children when they still carry their childhood trauma?

Too late

After a certain age, you can’t find a woman who’d be a good mother. Good mothers marry and have children early. If she’s older without children, it’s because she wouldn’t have made a good mother anyway, unless she also saw clarity too late. But then, are you sure it’s clarity or just baby rabies, looking to settle for any male just to satisfy her biological need to give birth? If she’s much younger than you and wants you, then again, she wouldn’t make a good mother or wife. Big age gaps never work or last, and they are confusing for the children. You have to be with a woman around your age; otherwise, it’s both of you settling for objects (the older man settles for a sex object, and the younger woman settles for a daddy she never had).

After a certain age, you get the women you deserve, the ones you always went for: those who wouldn’t make good mothers, those who don’t want children, those who put off having children to “have fun” as long as possible. And the latter is the worst kind of mother, the type that sees having children as the end of her life. This last type of woman is the worst: she resents her children for “robbing her” of her supposed freedom, vitality, and her sad promiscuity.

They say “there are plenty of women out there”. But after a certain age, you don’t want what’s left. There’s a reason they are left, just like you are left. The good ones married early. The good ones were snatched early by the good ones.

While we, the weak, were chasing flashy trash, the few good men who didn’t need to impress anyone but their future children were carefully picking the good women under our noses. And we didn’t even see it because we were too preoccupied with the razzle-dazzle of the female object, not the female soul.

At best, after a certain age, you can find a woman like you, someone who was lost in her youth, wasted her potential, but at least found something of herself in her older days.

Summing up

Weak males choose women by the wrong criteria: “Is she hot enough to impress my shallow, impressionable friends? Is she stunning enough to make my emeries seethe with envy? Is she sexy enough to satisfy my carnal fixations that I place above everything else?”

Conversely, when true men assess a woman, they ask themselves this one question: “Will she make a good mother for our future children?” That’s it. The choice to make that question, and to consider this the standard by which you choose the parent of your children, makes you principled. And that’s what it’s all about. Even if down the line one of you proves infertile, or she’s passed the age of having children, your potential to have been good parents is what makes you good people.

Good people are good parents, and good parents are good people. You can’t have it any other way.

Conclusion

When the vast majority of men go after bad women, then the feedback women get is that “bad women are in demand”. So, by our choices, we incentivise women to be bad, trashy, shallow, self-objectified; in essence, bad mothers. It vexes me when males complain about “women being so bad”. Men are the chasers, so men set the standard for women. Guess who has the responsibility (and therefore power) to shape womanhood. And unfortunately, we, the weak males, have destroyed women.

If men chose women by their capacity and desire to be good mothers, then we’d see healthier offspring, and thus we’d all be a better species, more deserving of survival. If women chose men by their ability and commitment to be good fathers, then we’d be living in a much better world right now. There are no thugs, perverts, psychopaths, or general weaklings coming from good parents. If anyone is broken, it’s because they had bad parenting. If anyone is well, it’s because they had good parenting, or at least managed to somewhat heal from bad parenting (if that’s even possible, in most cases).

Instead, we have bad women and bad men choosing each other to procreate and perpetuate their horribleness; bad parents making bad children who become bad parents themselves. And here we are.

Final note

Choose your romantic partner based on their ability to be a good parent. Choose your friends by the same standard; your business associates, acquaintances, and everyone around you. Bad parents are bad people. You can get an idea of who someone is by how they treat their children, and you can discern that by looking in the eyes of their children, this dead giveaway of parenting.

This one criterion of whether someone would make a good parent is the single most important option we have that could actually save humanity.

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